2012: Day 4.
I’m still suffering the effects of sleeping-and-waking-at-a-whim over the holidays. having to wake up at a fixed time daily for work is proving to be a problem for me, given that i’d still be wide awake until 3am everynight.
i woke up late today, but i wasn’t feeling great for some reason. i was on the bus to work half an hour after the official start of work (ie. 9am), and unfortunately, i was stuck on the bus for a whole half hour because it was caught up in a jam on the freeway. and because i’m not a morning person (this is not just a preference; my body actually rejects morning-time), i was feeling very familiar signs of things that were going to happen. and boy, was i right! my body was informing me that it was going to collapse soon, so i’d better do something.
there was nowhere for me to sit, and i started panicking on the stationary bus. cold sweat was running down my back and my knuckles turned white from my gripping the bar too hard. i decided to squat down, despite the fact that i was wearing a dress. i supported my head with one hand and held the bar with another, willing for the bus to move and get to my office building already.
in short, i made it to the office in one piece, albeit very shaky and pale.
this, was the start to my day.
two hours after this debaucle happened, i have been on the phone for long enough with this guy who mans the helpline (he isn’t helpful so i gave him some career advice and told him that he should think about changing jobs) about insurance cover and sorts and i’ve given up totally on doing the procedure that the specialist recommended i do. it turns out that after being told that i’m covered by insurance and i’m not and i am and i’m not, i’m confused, frustrated and tired of speaking to someone who pretends he knows his shit but really, he’s just shit.
i think ordinarily i’d be screaming inside my head by now, but i’m surprisingly calm. i think getting older does make a difference, because you learn to pick your battles: don’t get upset at everything because it really is worthless to be so. i guess i’m keeping to what i told myself this year, that is to be more patient and less short-tempered with people because i’m a bigger person.
i do look forward to what the year brings. i’ve got a bunch of things in my head that i know i want to do differently this year, and i’m excited! 
