R.I.P. dpg.

in one day, i cut my finger twice – once at lunch with CL where i suffered a papercut by the mahjong paper on the table, and the second one, i’ve no idea how it happened and only realised it when my finger was bloodied. anyways, i had to bandaid my right pinkie, and left index finger.

i got to the computer lab at 4.30pm, found a seat by poor lighting and crammed space, and tried to start work whilst attempting to block out a couple of indian dudes sitting at the computers behind me chatting about i-don’t-know-what. i was trying to type, then i realised that the bandaid on my left index finger was seriously restricting my speed and accuracy. i had to either live with it, and type slow (like i’m not already slow), or rip it off and just deal with the open wound and risk it start bleeding again. of course, given that i was praying to be smarter and faster in my studying on my way here, i decided slow typing with errors would not be in line with my prayers. so i ripped it off.

as i cursed under my breath when skin came off with the damned bandaid, i read mom’s family-update email. it turns out that, my paternal grandfather’s eldest brother (let’s call him dpg), passed away due to stroke. i don’t have details, but at that moment, just the knowledge of that made me feel a sudden sadness.

okay, we’re not particularly close. he helps out my grandfather at the factory, so i do see him sometimes when i go to dad’s office. we also used to visit annually on chinese new year, just that i haven’t seen him for ages since i haven’t been home for chinese new year in a while. he is, was, a really sweet and gentle man. everytime we went over, he’d smile, baring his almost-toothless mouth, and talk to us. when he smiled, his eyes would light up, and the corners of his eyes would wrinkle. i think he liked us visiting, because not many people visited.

i feel sad, because i don’t get to see him…again. i feel sad, also because i’m thinking of how his wife, the nice plump lady who feeds us chocolates and softdrinks, would now be alone. i feel sad, because i know the next time i go to the factory or over to visit in chinese new year, he won’t be there and that i had missed out on visiting for the past many years. i feel sad, because once again, i’m reminded of the fragility of life.

as i write now, i still hear the constant chattering of the two guys sitting behind me. they were annoying me before, but not anymore now. i still see girls running about in their little ribboned/flowery/colourful clothes with furry/bubble-like jackets flirting with guys or gossiping with their girlfriends, and they used to annoy me; but i don’t care for that now.

all because i can only see dpg’s smiling face in my mind.

i hope you left without pain, or regrets.

goodbye.